Low Libido: What’s Normal, What’s Not, and How to Bring Back the Spark

Ever find yourself or your partner just “not in the mood” more often? Low libido is something most couples experience at some point, and it’s nothing to feel embarrassed about. While everyone’s desire levels are different, it can sometimes signal deeper issues if the spark seems to be fading altogether. In this post, we’ll break down what’s normal, when it might be time to dig deeper, and how to approach it as a team. Because let’s face it—relationships thrive on connection, and this is just one piece of the puzzle.

Understanding Low Libido

Low libido is something many people struggle with, but few feel comfortable talking about it. If you or your partner feel like sexual desire has taken a backseat, it’s important to know you’re not alone. Let’s unpack what low libido actually means, and how common it is, and clear up some common myths.

What is Low Libido?

Low libido is a reduced interest in sexual activity. It’s important to note that it’s not the same as sexual dysfunction. Sexual dysfunction refers to difficulties during sexual activity—things like pain, difficulty maintaining arousal, or problems reaching orgasm. Low libido, on the other hand, is about desire (or the lack of it).

It’s natural for libido to fluctuate. Stress, hormonal changes, or even how much sleep you’ve had can impact it. But when low interest lasts for weeks, months, or longer, it can feel like something is “off.” The key question is whether it’s bothering you or affecting your relationship. If not, it might just be your body’s way of saying, “I need a break.” If it is, though, it’s worth digging deeper to find out what’s going on.

Prevalence of Low Libido

How common is low libido? More common than you might think. Studies show that about one in three women and one in five men experience low libido at some point. It affects people of all ages, but certain factors can make it more likely.

Here’s a quick look at some demographics:

• Women in midlife: Menopause or hormonal shifts often play a role in reducing libido.
• New parents: The exhaustion and stress of caring for a baby often leave little energy for intimacy.
• Men over 40: Testosterone levels naturally decline with age, which can lead to less interest in sex.

But low libido doesn’t discriminate. It’s not tied to gender, age, or the length of a relationship. Anyone can experience it. Knowing this can help reduce any shame or self-blame—you’re not unusual or broken.

Common Misconceptions

When it comes to low libido, myths are everywhere. Let’s bust a few of the most common ones:

• Myth 1: Low libido means you’re not attracted to your partner.
  Attraction isn’t always the issue. Often, it’s external factors like stress, health issues, or past trauma.
• Myth 2: It’s only a “woman’s problem.”
  Not true! Men experience low libido too, but society often pushes men to avoid expressing it.
• Myth 3: Low libido is always a sign of a failing relationship.
  Sometimes it’s as simple as life getting in the way. Work stress, illness, or just being busy can all put sex on the back burner.
• Myth 4: Libido should always be the same.
  This idea of “constant desire” isn’t realistic. Sexual desire ebbs and flows, just like hunger or energy levels.

By addressing these misconceptions, you can start to see that low libido is more about understanding your body and circumstances than anything else. It’s a natural part of life, and it doesn’t have to define your relationship or your happiness.

Causes of Low Libido

Low libido doesn’t appear out of thin air. It’s often the result of a combination of factors, both physical and emotional. If you’ve noticed a shift in desire, the key is understanding why. Let’s break it down into three main areas: physical causes, psychological triggers, and lifestyle choices.

Physical Causes

Your body plays a massive role in libido, and physical health issues can have a big impact. Here are some common culprits:

• Hormonal changes: Hormones like testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone heavily influence sexual desire. For women, menopause, childbirth, or hormonal birth control can lower libido. For men, reduced testosterone—a natural part of ageing—can cause a drop in interest.
• Medical conditions: Chronic illnesses like diabetes, heart disease, and thyroid disorders can disrupt sexual function and energy levels. Even fatigue from something like anaemia can make sex the last thing on your mind.
• Medications: Some medications have side effects that lower libido. Antidepressants, blood pressure drugs, and even allergy meds can interfere with your sex drive.

When your body’s out of sync, your libido often follows suit. Have any of these been sneaking onto your radar lately?

Psychological Causes

Your mind is just as important as your body when it comes to sexual desire. Here are a few ways mental health and emotions can influence libido:

• Stress: Ever been too stressed to think about romance? That’s because stress hormones, like cortisol, can interfere with desire.
• Anxiety and depression: Mental health struggles can drain energy and interest in intimacy. They often create a cycle, as low libido leads to guilt or frustration, making things worse.
• Relationship challenges: Let’s be real—if you and your partner are arguing, feeling distant, or holding onto resentment, it can affect attraction. Emotional distance often translates to physical distance.

Your mental well-being and relationship health are deeply tied to libido. If things aren’t feeling right emotionally, it’s worth addressing.

Lifestyle Factors

Your daily habits may seem harmless, but they can influence libido more than you realize.

• Diet: A diet heavy in processed foods and sugar can sap your energy and mood, leaving you uninterested in sex. On the flip side, nutrient-rich foods like fruits, veggies, and protein can help keep your hormones balanced.
• Exercise: Movement is magic when it comes to boosting libido. Regular exercise improves blood flow, energy levels, and confidence. On the contrary, a sedentary lifestyle can leave you feeling sluggish.
• Sleep: Sleep and sex are deeply connected. Too little sleep can wreck your hormones, increase stress, and leave you too tired for intimacy.
• Alcohol and smoking: While a drink might loosen you up, too much alcohol is a known mood-killer. Smoking, meanwhile, impacts blood flow, which is vital for sexual arousal.

Think of these lifestyle tweaks as little investments in your libido. Small changes can have a big ripple effect on intimacy.

Understanding the root causes of low libido—whether physical, psychological, or lifestyle-related—can help you take steps toward feeling more like yourself again. It’s all connected!

When is Low Libido a Concern?

Low libido can feel like an unwanted guest in your relationship—showing up uninvited and overstaying its welcome. But when should you really be concerned about it? Occasional dips in desire are normal, tied to life’s ups and downs. However, prolonged or recurring issues with libido may deserve closer attention. Let’s break it down further.

Frequency and Duration

Everyone has off days (or even weeks) when sex isn’t top of mind. That’s normal. Maybe work has you stretched thin, or you’ve been feeling under the weather. Occasional low libido is often temporary and tied to specific events like stress or fatigue. Think of it like being too tired to hit the gym—it’s not a crisis unless it keeps happening.

However, if you notice a persistent lack of sexual interest lasting for several weeks or even months, this could point to a deeper issue. Chronic low libido doesn’t just “bounce back” on its own. When feelings of disinterest seem to have no clear cause—or persist long after an obvious factor has resolved—it’s time to take a closer look. Listening to your body over time will help you spot the difference between a passing phase and something more permanent.

Associated Symptoms

Low libido rarely travels alone. It often tags along with other physical or emotional symptoms, which can give you clues about what’s going on. Pay attention if you experience:

• Fatigue or lack of energy: Constant exhaustion might suggest an underlying medical issue such as adrenal fatigue or anemia.
• Mood swings or irritability: These could point to hormonal imbalances or mental health concerns like anxiety or depression.
• Pain during sex: For women, conditions like endometriosis or vaginal dryness can reduce interest in intimacy. For men, erectile dysfunction can have a similar effect.
• Sleep problems: Poor sleep impacts everything—your energy, mood, and yes, your libido.
• Changes in weight or appetite: Significant changes could indicate hormonal shifts or thyroid issues.

If low libido is part of a package deal with other symptoms, it’s worth consulting a healthcare provider. Sometimes, your body is trying to signal that something is out of balance.

Impact on Relationships

Your libido doesn’t just belong to you—it plays a role in your relationship dynamic, too. When one partner’s sex drive takes a nosedive, it can create distance in intimacy and communication.

For example:

• Feelings of rejection: If one partner isn’t in the mood, the other may take it personally, even when it’s not about them.
• Loss of emotional connection: For many couples, physical intimacy is a key way to bond. Without it, you might feel like roommates rather than partners.
• Communication breakdowns: Instead of addressing the issue together, couples may avoid the topic altogether, leaving tension to build up.

The longer low libido lingers, the more it can strain a relationship. It’s like driving with a flat tire—you can only go so far before it does more damage. However, talking openly and honestly can prevent misunderstandings. Low libido doesn’t mean love or attraction is gone; it simply means something needs attention. Sometimes, seeking help from a therapist or counsellor can help both partners navigate the issue together.

Low libido isn’t just about whether or not you’re “in the mood.” If it lasts a long time, comes with other health changes, or starts to impact your relationship, it’s worth paying attention to. Recognizing when it’s a concern is the first step toward finding solutions.

Strategies to Address Low Libido

If low libido has been a source of stress, it’s essential to know that solutions exist. Tension in the bedroom can spill over into other areas, but there are practical, effective ways to work through it—together or with a little outside support. Let’s explore strategies to help rekindle connection and desire.

Open Communication

Talking about low libido isn’t always easy, but it’s a step you can’t skip. Open communication helps clear up misunderstandings before they become resentment. When you and your partner can speak honestly, it’s easier to tackle the issue as a team.

• Start Small: Not every conversation needs to be heavy. A simple “How are you feeling about us lately?” can open the door.
• Avoid Blame: Frame concerns around your feelings, such as, “I’ve been noticing changes and wanted to talk about it.”
• Pick the Right Time: Timing matters. Choose a moment when you’re both calm and not rushed. Over breakfast? Probably not ideal.

Healthy communication builds trust and shows you’re prioritizing intimacy, whether it’s physical or emotional. Sometimes, simply hearing each other out can make all the difference.

Seeking Professional Help

There’s no shame in asking for help. If low libido has persisted despite your best efforts, it might be time to consult a professional. A doctor or therapist can uncover underlying causes you might not have considered.

• Visit a primary care physician to check for medical issues like hormone imbalances, thyroid problems, or medication side effects.
• Consider seeing a sex therapist or counsellor to address emotional or relational challenges tied to libido.
• Don’t overlook mental health support if anxiety, depression, or past trauma might be playing a role.

Think of this as calling in an expert when your Wi-Fi keeps cutting out—they’ll help you find the glitch and fix it faster than DIY efforts.

Lifestyle Changes

Small lifestyle shifts often lead to big improvements. Your habits and environment impact your libido more than you might think. Here’s where you can start:

• Prioritize Sleep: Exhaustion is a libido killer. Aim for 7–9 hours a night to recharge physically and emotionally.
• Get Moving: Regular exercise boosts energy, relieves stress, and promotes body confidence—three key ingredients for desire.
• Eat Well: A balanced diet with whole foods helps maintain hormonal balance and keeps your body energized.
• Limit Alcohol and Smoking: Alcohol might set the mood in moderation, but too much can dampen performance and desire. Smoking affects blood flow, which is crucial for arousal.

Even these small adjustments can shift the scales and reignite that spark over time. Think of it as fine-tuning your “mood meter.”

Therapies and Treatments

When lifestyle changes aren’t enough, therapies and treatments can offer relief. There are several evidence-based options for low libido:

• Hormone Therapy: For women, estrogen creams or hormone replacement therapy may help post-menopause. Men might consider testosterone therapy under medical supervision.
• Medications: Prescription options like flibanserin (for women) or specific ED medications (for men) can be helpful where appropriate.
• Alternative Treatments: Some find natural supplements like maca root or ginseng beneficial. Acupuncture and mindfulness practices like yoga have also shown promise in reducing stress and boosting desire.
• Couples Therapy: If tension in your relationship is part of the problem, therapy can address deeper emotional barriers.

Discuss these options with a healthcare provider to find the right fit. Everyone’s body and situation are unique, so what works for one person may not work for another.

Building Intimacy Beyond Sex

Intimacy isn’t just about what happens in the bedroom—it’s also about connection, comfort, and trust. Strengthening non-sexual intimacy can rebuild the foundation for deeper physical closeness.

• Physical Touch Without Pressure: Simple gestures like holding hands, cuddling, or back rubs can rekindle affection without the expectation of sex.
• Shared Activities: Doing things together—cooking, hiking, or even binging a show—fosters bonding.
• Express Gratitude: Compliments and appreciation remind your partner they’re loved and cherished, which can ease tension.
• Set Aside Time for Connection: Date nights or dedicated “us” time create space to reconnect, no distractions.

Rather than focusing solely on reigniting sexual desire, this approach strengthens the overall relationship. When emotional intimacy grows, libido often follows. It’s about building a bridge, one step at a time.

By incorporating these strategies, you can make meaningful strides toward restoring balance and joy in your relationship. Sometimes it’s about addressing physical concerns; other times, it’s simply reconnecting with your partner in new ways.

Conclusion

Low libido is a common experience and doesn’t have to create lasting tension in your relationship. Understanding the causes—whether physical, psychological, or lifestyle-related—sets the stage for addressing them with confidence.

The key is communication. Start an honest conversation with your partner and, when needed, seek guidance from a professional. Taking action together not only strengthens intimacy but also reinforces the emotional bond you share.

Your relationship deserves attention, care, and connection. So talk about it, try small changes, and remember you’re not alone in this. What’s one step you could take today?

If you need any further information or assistance with this article, don’t hesitate to Contact Us

Karen Blake
BAHN-NLP
TFT-DX